Some the wiser …

Well, this was a no-brainer.

I mean, really? Putting a bottle of wine called “Wise & Heimer” in front of the Wine Slobs is like throwing raw meat in front of a pair of starving … um … starving … well, what’s more bad-ass than a tiger? A werewolf maybe? Hyenas might be more appropriate in our case. Whatever, you get the idea.

It’s not clear from the label whether this 2009 German Riesling was inspired by the vaguely insulting “wisenheimer” or was merely the brainchild of the worst law firm name ever. It was, after all, imported by Prestige Wine Group (which, incidentally, must be fresh out because it no longer appears on their website).

Smarty pants wineBut, dear readers, there is a reason you come here for your wine edification. We know you deserve more than just a casual glance at the label. We take our wine-drinking seriously, imbuing our libations with deeper meaning and conveying that understanding to our legions of dedicated fans — all four of you. You know who you are. 😉

Call it the Zen of Tippling[?].

In this case, our witty vintners have achieved a sort of verbal yin and yang, balancing the semantically opposite “wise” and “heimer” on an ampersand fulcrum [?]. “Wise” evokes thoughts of the oracular elder contemplating the essence of his daily glass. Think Yoda sipping in his little hut on Dagobah.

The other half, the Heimer, is the foil in this little fencing match. According to the indispensable Urban Dictionary, it derives from the 90s-era insult “dingleheimer,” and means “a person exhibiting severe ignorance and inability to comprehend simple ideas.” Think GOP presidential candidate.

And there you have it: Balance. And that’s what we want in our wine, isn’t it? A balance of flavors and aromas within the wine itself and a balance of the wine with food and a match between the wine and the mood. In all things, balance.

Now if only we could balance the checkbook after buying this modestly priced bottle.

We had already committed to spending an ungodly amount of cash on a new kitchen table and chairs in preparation for the Thanksgiving in-law invasion. Either of those events would justify a trip to the wine aisle which, at Cost Plus World Market, just happens to be right next to the kitchen furniture. Go figure.

The selection at Cost Plus is awesome, but we didn’t browse long. We needed to get home and start drinking so we could decipher the instructions for assembling our new table. Fortunately, it didn’t require power tools or the ability to translate Swahili. This vintage with the clever name, in its bright blue (probably lead-tainted) bottle caught our eye right away.

As dedicated reviewers of inexpensive wine, we accept the fact that, sometimes, the pretty bottle and the cool label are the best part. (See Ed Hardy review, below.) But this wine was well worth the $7.99.

It opens up nicely with bright, crisp apple and peach/apricot flavors. The hint of lemon isn’t tart, but moderates the fruitiness. It starts sweet and warms nicely on the tongue, finishing clean and smooth. If you find some whites too dry but you also don’t like them overly sweet, you may find this well-balanced wine just what you’re looking for.

This is not a wine that is going to stand up and make you take notice. For one thing, it’s only 10% alcohol by volume (so get a couple of bottles). It’s refreshing and easy to drink, making it a good choice to have with a light snack or over ice while chilling with friends on the patio in the summertime.

It plays a nice second-fiddle at your table, provided you don’t overwhelm it with red meat, red sauce or bacon. (I know — supposedly bacon makes ANYthing better, but trust us on this one … save the bacon for a hearty red or something sweet like an ice wine or late-harvest riesling.)

Frankly, I don’t remember what we drank it with. I just know it wasn’t bacon.

So get on down to Cost Plus and buy a bottle or three for your holiday party. Maybe you can pick up a nice table on your way out.

Aromatique: Fresh, citrus-y nose with a hint of sweetness.

Sip Quips: Apple and peach lead the way, but there’s enough citrus here to balance the flavors nicely.

Kitchen Couplings: Lighter fare would be best. Salad, salty cheese or other hors d’ourves.

One Response to “Some the wiser …”

  1. Carol Hensel says:

    I was able to find a bottle of Wise & Heimer in Charleston, SC. But am at a loss to find it anywhere else. Got any ideas how I can find it? We love this red!

    A new red wine convert as long as it’s Wise & Heimer!

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